Those F-ing M-Fers.
S word! D word! F, F, F word!
I didn't even know this was a thing they could do.
Background, my house:
I bought a house in 2005 for $145,900 with down payment of inheritance from an accident that killed my father when I was 17. It was just enough for the down payment, to pay off my credit cards, and a nice, newer Honda. It was the start of a financial life, and the housing market was booming. I lived in the fastest growing county in the United States.
When I left for Peace Corps I did a rent to own lease with a very nice couple for $160,000. Hints of the recession were coming. They got me out of a jam.
Every month, $200 of their rent was to go off the asking price. Then the economy tripped over its coat tails and suffered multiple compound fractures, bleeding profusely and hemorrhaging in the housing market.
This June: The renters offer me $100,000 for the house. I say, yeah, negative. They say I owe them all those $200 that have added up. They stop paying their rent. I stop paying my mortgage. They say if I kick them out, they'll sue me for the money. Lawyers say they need a $5,000 retainer to sort this mess out.
So my credit card:
I have a credit card with Bank of America, the same company that has my mortgage. I don't even have the physical card, because I don't trust myself with it. But I have a $5,000 limit and a $1,220 balance. I have some checks they sent me that I thought I might need for emergencies, such as my new apartment. That's first, last and deposit, the biggest burden of every month, folded over on itself, with icing on top. $1500 at the very least.
Also I need a lawyer. I need furniture. I need to know that if something were to happen, I have a way to get out of it. Not the best way, but a way.
So today...
I check my mail and I have a letter from the bank. Before I open it, I tell myself not to get emotional. I'm not going to let this mortgage mess take over my life. My credit score is just a number in a game. I'll have to let that go. Acceptance is what I'm aiming for.
I open the letter and it says "due to market conditions... blah blah....we have reduced your credit limit on your credit card to $1,300." I stopped on the sidewalk. I closed my mouth as soon as I realized it was gaping open.
Those M-Fers.
All that wiggle room I was counting on. I didn't even know this was a possibility.
"Hey, my money!" I wanted to say. Then, of course, it was never my money. I never had anything but an offer from a business to loan me their money.
Writing this, I just started crying. This is a familiar feeling. I was thinking about telling my boyfriend about this. I also have to tell him about backing his car into the rocks behind his parking spot. "I'll get it fixed," I was going to say, thinking of course of the credit card checks. Not anymore.
This feeling of crying, oh how I know it. It's like pouting about life. It's saying "Not fair," like I did so well when I was 4. It's the feeling of "someone come save me." Save you from yourself?
Oh, I know what this feeling is, I just realized exactly: It's self-pity.
Gross.
I'm such a bad person.
1 comments:
Under none of these circumstances are you a bad person. You just have a bad credit score. You will get through this, too, and come out stronger in the end.
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