What Money Buys

My boyfriend has been through hell this week, thousands of miles away. As a grandson, he went to go be with family as his grandfather died. As a nurse, he ended up having to practically take over care of his grandfather, as they realized the staff of the hospital was basically incompetent. All week, from so far away, I've been hearing his scratchy-tired, sad voice come over the phone as this man who was so important in his life slipped away, and all I could do was wish I could be closer.

He'll be down for another week until the funeral next Saturday. $500, and I could be there with him.

So, what should I do?

Me and my family, we always vote for the experience. Whether good (vacation) or bad (funeral), we say hey, this is your life, this is your one chance to ____, vs some number in your bank account that floats up and down. In short, we don't care about money. Perhaps this is why we're the broke ones.

Basically, we say, you only live once. Yesterday I went into a tattoo shop fully prepared to get that tattooed like a ghost in white on my forearm. You only live once. This is it. Always lying under the details of life is the fact that one day your family will wake up and you will not be there. I wanted to be reminded, but the tattoo shop said black ink only for text.

You only live once. If you want to be reminded, hear your loved one say his grandfather died this morning. This is it. Relationships. People. Life. 

Five hundred? Five hundred what? What are you giving up so that you can be with this person, make some of the worst days in their life a little better, like you hope they would for you? Oh, 500 of these little papers we made up so that we could trade stuff more easily.

I should be there. Or am I being too dramatic?

He texts me back. "You don't need to. I'll be fine."

Oh, ok.

But I know it's the kind of thing where, if I did go, he would say, "I'm so glad you were here." And I'd say, "Yeah, I know," and I wouldn't be able to imagine not having come.

Oh yeah

Not off the best start, but that's ok...

The oil change was $71 instead of $50. A back light was out that they needed to change, and of course they tried to get me to spend like $130, but I stuck to the minimum. Sorry brother, your birthday present budget has been reduced to $79.

Also, right after I made my budget and closed my computer, I remembered my CSA food boxes ($64 for two weeks), and then I said, "Oh yeah, food!"

I'm going to see how much my wine bar paycheck is tonight and report back.

Here We Go

I got my first full paycheck from my new job: $1,574. In 80 hours over two weeks, I made twice what I made by waitressing 120 hours over a month.

Having a lot of money always means one thing: I'm about to lose a lot of money. I keep freaking out: I'm going to mess this up. I'm going to mess this up. This, I believe, is the opposite of what they call a mantra.  

I was already fantasizing about a trip to the mall when my old co-worker asked if I could cover for her that night at the wine bar. Yes! Even though it's earning just a little money, it's still the opposite of spending money. None of this paycheck is mine anyway. It belongs to my mom and my boyfriend and Visa. 

I will not mess this up. I'm learning about the power of small habits to lead to big trends in your life. If you make every day a microcosm for how you want your life to be, those days will multiply into the life you want. It's worked for me and exercise. "If I can just go today..." 

Aristotle said: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” This is also how we become fuck ups. 

So can I just not fuck up this one paycheck? There is always just this question: Can I do this right, right now? 

Jeri says "First thing's first". So here's what I need to spend money on:

• My computer: I have never backed up my computer and, as a writer, it's full of my inventory. It's a ticking time bomb. I have an appointment at the Apple store Monday and I expect this might run me about $200 to do most of what I need to get it better after 5 years of abuse. It might take a few trips, a few paychecks to upgrade it fully.
• Work clothes: I need them, especially now that the weather's turning cold. I'm giving myself $100.
• An oil change: Budgeting $50, should be less. 
• Savings: I transferred $300 to my savings. I also might need this as a down payment on a lawyer to evict my tenants.
• Spending money: $150 a week for walking around money. Adds up to $300.
• Gas: Spent $50 yesterday, should save $50 for next week. 
• Mom: She needs to be paid for the cell phone. Five months behind = $225.
• I've been too broke to buy my brother a birthday present for years and it was my niece's birthday too: $100
• I should at least give my boyfriend back some money: $200
• Have a credit card payment due. I've decided to pay back my personal loans before my credit cards, even though a friend says, "Pay your mom last": $20

Ok, that adds up to $1,595. I'm also getting a tiny paycheck from the wine bar today so I can cover that extra. All I have to do is not fuck up this one paycheck, and maybe there's hope...

I'm back

Forgive me reader, for I have sinned. I fell off the bandwagon. I did not report in my spending via Twitter. (Though I really meant to, I swear it.)

The weekend started off with excuses. My boyfriend had to go out of town on a family emergency, so we decided to go to dinner. Let's go somewhere nice, I said, and split it. I spent $36 on dinner just for me. The next day I ran errands, which means I went down the street sprinkling money into various establishments. I stopped in to say hi to my bartender friend, which means I drank a beer. I went to a free show and ended up spending $30 on wine and cheese. I went to a friend's art show and told her I wanted that one and that one and that one, total $75. 

So I made myself waitress tonight, when my old boss called and asked if I wanted to pick up a shift. My penitence. But then I got a sandwich. My friend came in and got two glasses of wine and I brought her some olives. I didn't add it up. I don't know if I made or lost money working tonight.

I talked to my old friend and he asked me how much I'm making at my new job. I told him because we have that kind of friendship, plus I've already written it on the internet. He was pretty amazed. We made $26,000 a year together not too long ago. I say yeah, I know, crazy. I said I've got to save up for grad school or something. He said: No, you won't. You're just not... the savey type.