Monthly Money Check-In: March '12

There comes a point in your life where you're old enough to see yourself for who you are, but you still haven't figured out how to change who you are. Or at least, mitigate your worst traits. Search on the internet for change, and you'll realize how many people want to change. "Lasting change" seems to be the elusive treasure which we're all hunting.

I'm bad with money, and I don't feel that bad about it anymore. Or maybe just right this second. Maybe I'll hate myself again soon. But I found this quote from Eckhart Tolle, who never fails to calm my soul:

You all know the saying which is very true: What you resist persists. And I’m sure many of you have already found that out in your life. And then suddenly when you let go of resistance you let go of an attachment to something: I need this to happen in order to be happy; I don’t want what is, I want something else. To be okay with what is, which is the simplicity of this moment, is the beginning of true change.

To be ok with this moment. Can I say: It's ok that I'm bad with money?

For example: What I'd like is to give my savings to my live-in boyfriend, or my best friend. And I want this money to be hidden from me. In order to get it, I would have to go through the shame of asking for it. But my boyfriend says, "Why don't you just learn to keep money in your account?"

Is that what I should be doing? Or should I just accept myself for who I am? Should an alcoholic learn to be in bars and not have a drink, or should they stay out of bars?

This is where I am right now: I'm $700 away from the goal of saving $10,000 in my 401(k) before my 30th birthday. I'm going to make it. I'm saving 15% of my income in this retirement fund, and I feel so good about it.

This money is taken directly out of my paycheck, and is hidden behind a wall of federally mandated "don't touch" fees. This is working for me.

What is not working for me is saving for savings' sake. What I have trouble with is those big expenses that seem like must-haves. Sasquatch Music Festival - $315. Florence + the Machine (it's a band, Jeri) are coming the day after my 30th Birthday, and of course I had to go. I decided to buy four tickets, because maybe I could sell the other two. I don't know what I was thinking. That, as well, was almost $300. Before Friday's paycheck, my back accounts had in them $32, $20, $1 and $1. If money is accessible, I access it.

What I want is a Money Nazi, a trusted friend to whom I can send savings checks, and they will hide them in a bank account, and I will be too ashamed to ask them for it unless there is a good reason. But I'm embarrassed to ask. Is this just the easy way out, or the smart way out. Should I work on learning to be my own Money Nazi?

Anyway, here's how we're looking:

 

So, while I should be paying down my credit cards and paying back my mom and boyfriend instead of buying really cute aprons and matching oven mitts at Sur La Table, I keep putting it off because I know I'm getting these big commissions at work. Yes, this is technically counting my chickens before they hatch, but these eggs are looking healthy. Unless I get fired.

We're still on an upswing from last month, so that's good. If I get this commission check on the 15th of this month, which I should, I could have my and boyfriend paid off. How exciting that would be.

 

Not amazing, but better. If I keep aiming for better, then one day I'll be debt-free, which will be amazing.